Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
