just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
