Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
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