32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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