The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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