I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
