Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
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I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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