is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
