I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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