It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
