What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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