she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
