I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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