im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
