guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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