My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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