I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
