I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
