Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
