This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
