You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
