I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
