I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
