just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
