I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
