Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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