Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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