kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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