So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
