He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
