I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
