i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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