You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
