I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
