the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
