I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
