what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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