sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
