1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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