I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
how does that bad decision feel?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
