you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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