dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
