They should really pass out barf bags in church
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
