You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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