The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
