i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
