wat bout pragnant strippers??
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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