That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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