fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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