So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
