Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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