So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
