can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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