but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize