I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
