Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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