Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
