dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
