Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
