I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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