I cockslap morals
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
