I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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