Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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