I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
me + whiskey = a bad person
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
