Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
