It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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