I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
