its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
