Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
