i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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