You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
