literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
